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When things don’t go to plan…

3 years ago | Lesley Calland

When something doesn’t go the way you expect it to, your work-life can suddenly seem very disappointing. The failed situation can become all-consuming. It will replay in your mind over and over again, making it worse not better. It can cause self-doubt, and worse still, it can make you question your purpose or general reason for being.

Nothing or no-one deserves to take away your right to enjoying what you do, yet not controlling your reaction surely is you allowing that to happen to yourself.

Deep down, although you probably won’t admit it, you know that you are generally a tough cookie. You know that you are able to rise to the everyday challenges that life or work throws at you. You are probably just tired that they keep happening. 

So you also know that, no-one else ever really ever comes to your rescue, right?  You must actually save yourself from your own pit of misery, true?

Don’t get me wrong, it is ok to wallow. Quiet time usually means you are reflecting. Reflection usually means you are making sense of what happened.  However, it’s the decision of how long you will let yourself wallow which is the usually the hardest to make.

So what are you waiting for? 

Looking back at other times when things did not go to plan can help you identify your typical response or patterns of behaviour. There is usually a cycle that you will allow yourself to follow. I have a client who recently said, ‘Oh I sulk for at least a week and then I’m alright.’  

They were shocked when I asked, ‘that seems like a lot of wasted time, why not see if on this occasion you can move on after just one day?’

Learning how to deal with these moments to get over them quicker is not easy but changing the way you handle adversity can be one of the greatest skills you can master.

Sometimes you have to just let go. Relax, breathe deep and trust that you have the ability to make everything ok again.  

In this situation, a coach would encourage you to ask yourself these types of questions: 

  • How much of what happened was really my fault?
  • What could I have done differently to prevent myself from being in this situation?
  •  Why do I feel the need to blame the other person?
  • At what point will I be grateful for this lesson?  

Be aware, moments of wallow are also the times when you are avoiding making a decision.  Well, not wanting to come across as not being kind, but you do have the power to make a decision, feel low for longer or start doing something to fix how you feel. Maybe these type of questions would help from here. 

  • How long am I going to let this affect me negatively?
  • So, what are my options from here?
  •  What’s the best thing I could do today?
  • Who can I reach out to for help?

Being honest, I am hoping that you would reach out to a coach.  Our service is intended for these very moments. Making it easy to find someone supportive to be available for you to talk to when you decide the time is right. 

Sharing with someone independent gives you a clearer perspective. They won’t judge you, they won’t criticise you. They will listen, they will care and importantly, they will help you make the best decisions to help you move forward. 

Trust me, being in control of your own workplace happiness and success is one of the most satisfying ways to be. So, I will ask that question again, what are you waiting for?

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